9 Reasons Why Indian Men Might Take A Woman To Court For Masturbating

Please don’t give me lectures after reading this somewhat satirical take on something that really happened.

As if there aren’t enough cases clogging our legal system, the Madras High Court recently had to spend time and energy giving an Indian man some basic education: Watching porn or masturbation does not constitute “cruelty” and cannot be grounds for him to divorce his wife. Even if the habits did have side effects such as interfering with one’s “conjugal duty”. “Indulging in self-pleasure cannot be a cause for dissolution of marriage,” the court said. “By no stretch of imagination, can it be said to inflict cruelty on the husband.” No wonder standup comics have taken to speaking truth to power—they can’t compete with the best jokes that unfold in our courts every day.

“While men cannot engage in sexual intercourse immediately after indulging in masturbation, that would not be the case with women. It has not been established that the conjugal relationship between the spouses would suffer if the wife has the habit of masturbation,” the honourable court pointed out. Seriously though, it was a lesson in female autonomy that all Indian men should imbibe.

But what would possess an Indian man to believe that he had a legit case because his wife masturbates? There are enough reasons as I’ve outlined below. Please add yours to the comments below this piece.

1. From what I can tell, it seems she found masturbating more pleasurable than having sex with him. How dare she.

2. Some men feel fear and loss of control when they watch a woman access pleasure without any help from them. Suddenly, they are no longer in charge, thrusting with all they’ve got, controlling pace and pressure, barely acknowledging a woman’s needs or reactions. Am presently binge-watching The Good Doctor and in the episode I saw last night, Dr Shaun Murphy the autistic star of the show, chances upon his girlfriend masturbating and goes into a tailspin. He feels insecure that the sex they’re having is not good enough for her. She tries to explain to him that it’s different—it’s faster, she says helplessly. Of course he gets even more stressed about that remark. “I can be faster,” he says. You’re missing the point Shaun. Women can orgasm with zero tension and minimal effort in under a minute when they’re solo. Even a quickie with a man takes longer than that.

We have the copyright on zero-fuss pleasure and sometimes, when you do the risk/reward math, it’s just the easier choice.

3. For decades feminists have showed the deep connection between self-love and autonomy. As we all know, this country doesn’t believe in a woman’s autonomy. Men are taught to fear free women from the moment they are born. As a curly-haired, plain-speaking, free-spirited woman I have lots of first-hand experience with this. No wonder this Indian gent thought he had a case.

4. Women’s bodies are so much more beautiful than their male counterparts. When we have 24/7 access to ourselves, why waste energy struggling to find beauty in our partners? Would a woman rather run her hands over her own body or that of the man in her life? I suspect many men already know that answer and watching your wife masturbate might reignite all these deeper insecurities.

5. Men don’t like to be reminded that we have it better or easier in any sphere of life and masturbation is no exception. Unlike for men, there’s mostly no major mess. We can masturbate anywhere, without anyone knowing, with our clothes on, in a matter of seconds. Our orgasms are longer—and repeated multiple times in a single sitting. After resting our clitoris briefly, we can be ready to restart. Beat that.

6. Female masturbation is a glaring reminder that women have more. Men have only 40% of the nerve endings that are contained in a woman’s clitoris. At 10,000 nerve endings, we are fully loaded. And I’m not even counting our vaginas.

7. Often, masturbation for men is a replacement for access to sex. Women see masturbation and sex as two separate things. Plus women might masturbate even while having penetrative sex with a man because vaginal orgasms are out of reach for most of us. So while women give men release every time they have sex, men don’t really do the same for women.

8. Masturbation is more proof that women don’t need men. Men need us for housework, organising their life, having babies and taking care of them blah blah blah. I’m sure you know that Indian women spend 289 minutes on unpaid domestic work and 137 minutes on unpaid caregiving a day against men’s 88 mins and 75 mins. Not that Indian men have ever been great givers of pleasure (though I’m not sure how it was with the Mughals), but men continue to delude themselves that they give women pleasure and when that truth bomb finally explodes, it’s hard for them to recover. Hence, dial a judge.

9. Their mother. Everything in an Indian man’s life somehow goes back to his mother. I have no desire to think harder about this but I know that somehow, somewhere, it’s connected.

PS: Any man who takes his wife to court for masturbating deserves to be lampooned.

Here’s what the court said on masturbation:

“The other allegation is that the respondent would indulge in masturbation. Calling upon a woman to respond to this averment itself is a gross infringement of her sexual autonomy. If after contracting marriage, a woman has sexual relationship outside marriage, it would furnish ground for divorce. However, indulging in self-pleasure cannot be a cause for dissolution of marriage. By no stretch of imagination, can it be said to inflict cruelty on the husband. The mandate of statute is that unless it is shown that the petitioner has been treated with cruelty, the conduct of the respondent cannot attract Section 13(1)(i-a). When masturbation among men is acknowledged to be universal, masturbation by women cannot be stigmatised. While men cannot engage in sexual intercourse immediately after indulging in masturbation, that would not be the case with women. It has not been established that the conjugal relationship between the spouses would suffer if the wife has the habit of masturbation. The Hon'ble Supreme Court in Rajive Ratori v. UOI [2024) SCC OnLine SC 3217], while citing a NALSAR report dealing with the emotional and relational challenges faced by PWDs, referred to the fact that their emotional needs such as privacy and self-pleasure are often overlooked. When privacy is a fundamental right, it includes within its scope and reach spousal privacy too. The contours of spousal privacy would include various aspects of a woman's sexual autonomy. So long as something does not fall foul of law, the right to express oneself cannot be denied. Self-pleasure is not a forbidden fruit; its indulgence shall not lead to a precipitous fall from the Eden garden of marriage. After marriage, a woman becomes a spouse but she continues to retain her individuality. Her fundamental identity as an individual, as a woman, is not subsumed by her spousal status.

What else is left to say?